


Say Something

by orphan_account



Category: teen wolf - Fandom
Genre: Hurt, M/M, Mates, Protective!Derek, Smut, Suicidal Thoughts, alpha!cora, bond, rebound relationship?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-12-19
Updated: 2013-12-19
Packaged: 2018-01-04 13:55:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,446
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1081806
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Stiles and Derek are mates. The only one who doesn't know it, that needs to know it, of course, is Stiles. The bonding would make both of them stronger and it would mean that Stiles wouldn't have to live with all the darkness in his heart, and Derek would finally have his love reciprocated. But Derek is stubborn and he thinks that if they were to officially call themselves that, Stiles would end up hurt or killed, and Derek loved him too much for that to ever happen. So he pines after the teenager and let's his heart be broken on a daily basis until Stiles calls him on his shit. Even then, though, Stiles has to struggle to get Derek to realize that they will always be on the same page.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I tried prompting this idea to someone I follow on tumblr (Castielific) but I kind of saw something else in my head and decided to write my own version.

"Fucking say something, Derek! Please!" Stiles was almost a sobbing mess if it weren't for the desperation in his voice. 

Derek just stared out the window and clenched his muscles as Stiles screamed at him. Really, what did he want him to say? I love you? That would've been dumb. Stiles and Derek were bonded in the most intimate of ways but Derek was trying to push him away. It didn't just work out that way. Whenever Derek was happy, there was always something to ruin him and the happiness he felt. Didn't Stiles know that by now? His family, Paige, Kate, Jennifer? He loved Stiles. Obviously. But staying with him would only get him hurt. The only reason he kept coming back was because he'd go insane without the physical and emotional support that his .., mate ... claimed over his body. 

"What do you want me to say, Stiles?" Derek answered gruffly, wondering why he even let himself be in this situation in the first place. If Stiles had kept his nose out of the woods, if he hadn't been so fucking curious, if he had never walked into Derek's life, they wouldn't be in this situation right now. But it never worked out that way. Stiles walked into the forest and Derek's wolf caught that scent right away. It was especially surprising, that Derek would find his mate now, when Laura had just died. Derek had tried to push the boy away when everything started with Peter. He had even tried violence once or twice, but it never pushed the human away. The Alpha pack left and Stiles, broken and angry with darkness around his heart, showed up at Derek's new apartment and pushed him into the wall. They had stared at each other for so long without saying anything, that Derek thought he never would. 

But then, Stiles had said, "Why is it that when I'm with you, everything feels okay? I don't even like you Derek. Your relationship with Jennifer almost got me, my friends, and my father killed. But when you're around, this darkness that threatens to overturn my world lessens and I can breathe. What is this? Are you some kind of witch? Or are you using your werewolf healing powers on me?" And Derek let his head fall in shame. 

"I'm not doing anything Stiles ... My wolf thinks we're imprinted." Derek had deadpanned finally and Stiles let his mouth fall open. 

"Imprinted." He repeated, still holding Derek against the wall by his shoulders. 

Derek looked up at Stiles blank face and had to swallow. "Yes. It means a lot of things. For one, it means that my presence alone can make the bond heal your wounds, be it physical or emotional. You can borrow my strength and the pack's. You can tap into magic. There's a lot of things. Above all, it means I'd have to honor you and protect you as my mate. I never mentioned it because like you said, you don't even like me. And my wolf couldn't handle the rejection. I'm sorry." Derek finally explained to Stiles what they were and he was surprised to feel that his body didn't feel as heavy. The wolf in him preened at their proximity and Derek really had to fight it so he wouldn't do something stupid like try scenting Stiles. Just because he told Stiles what was going on didn't mean anything would come out of it and it was best if he didn't get his hopes up. 

"How does that even work?" Stiles hissed, pissed off that he was somehow connected to the wolf even though it had more advantages than disadvantages. 

"I ... I didn't choose you to be my mate, Stiles! The wolf did. And it's not a true mating anyway because I'd never do that to you. I just can't help the consequences of your presence around me." Derek bit his lip momentarily before looking away. He felt so defeated and broken that if Stiles wanted to beat him senseless and let him wallow in his misery, he would let him. 

"So if I never saw you again, what would happen with this imprint thing you're talking about? Would it just go away?" Stiles asked, a hint of worry finally ebbing into his stone cold voice. 

Derek looked away. He wouldn't tell Stiles that he'd go mad. He wouldn't tell him that that kind of loss could kill him. He wouldn't ask him to finish the process. Stiles deserved to fall in love and meet people and not be bonded to the broken skeleton that Derek had become. 

"Derek would most likely go mad with pain and loss." Cora came out of no where with a towel wrapped around her hair and nothing on other than a t-shirt and some boy shorts. Derek growled at her and flashed his beta eyes, both for the comment and her appearance.

"Is that true?" Stiles demanded, not even sparing a look at Cora's bareness, which made the wolf in Derek so happy it was irrational. 

"It's not your problem even if it is true." Derek answered, still looking at Stiles' collarbone instead of those gorgeous whiskey colored eyes. 

"The fuck it isn't!" Stiles used his leverage against Derek to slam him a little against the wall, an action that got him growled at by Cora. 

"Watch it, Stilinski." She growled, looking at him from her seat on the leather couch with red eyes. 

"So you're saying, if I leave, you'll probably go crazy? And that's not supposed to be my problem? What will happen to me?" He continued with the questions and Derek wished he would just stop. He could, of course, forcibly push Stiles away and out the door, but his wolf was tearing him apart for even considering the thought. When Derek didn't look like he was going to answer and Stiles looked like he was going to push Derek again, Cora cut in again. 

"You'll live with the darkness that surrounds your heart and feel like there is something missing in your life. A gap, if you will. And that feeling will never leave unless Derek is dead. Imprints make for stronger wolves and stronger packs... but if the mates are never united officially, and they know of each other, both suffer marginally. Derek more than you because he has feelings he never wanted you to know about." 

"Cora!" Derek's voice came out as a growl and he pushed Stiles away this time. She was taking things too far now and Stiles definitely didn't need to know about the feelings that felt like they were burning Derek alive. 

"He has a right to know!" Cora argued, getting up from the couch and flashing her eyes again. 

"It is not your place!" Derek answered, his fangs elongating in his mouth and his nails sprouting against his will. Cora growled menacingly at the sight and took a step towards her brother. 

"I am your Alpha and it is my duty to protect you as you have me. So do not tell me where my place is." The last part came out as and order and Derek instantly changed to his normal form, defeated. 

"You have feelings for me? Why have you always treated me like shit?" Stiles was angry again and Derek sighed. This is why he didn't want Stiles to know. Because really, what could he say? I've been an asshole to you because the bond forces me to try to mate you and I'm fighting the wolf every time you're around? 

"I didn't want you to know of the connection." He muttered, looking at Stiles now that his sister had subdued him. 

"Even though it could have made both of us stronger? Even though it heals me?" Stiles sounded hurt when he said this and Derek had to clench his hands into fists or he'd tremble. 

"You don't want to be my mate, Stiles. You don't even know what it entails. And you're seventeen. You have a chance at a normal life. Being bonded to me would take all that chance away and you'd feel obligated to be at my side." The words hurt just leaving his mouth and Derek turned away so he was facing Cora and not Stiles. She got up instantly at the great look of pain on her brother's face and put a warm hand on his shoulder. 

"I think it's best you leave, Stiles. You're not going to take Derek up on his offer and your presence around him just hurts." She said worriedly. 

"What offer?! He hasn't made me one and you don't know what I'd say if he did!" Stiles protested. Derek hated himself for feeling his hopes go up but turned to face Stiles anyway. 

"I don't want this mating, Stiles. Everybody I care about dies and I'm not going to be responsible for killing you. I care too much about you to ruin the life you still have ahead of you. Besides ... I'm leaving. I can't stay here anymore and I don't really want to so there's no point in even talking about what being my mate entails. It hurts so much already." 

Stiles looked like he wanted to cry, punch Derek in the face, and then some. This just couldn't be his life! The werewolf that started it all was his mate, had epic feelings for him, and never told him about it either! And now he was leaving? What the fuck! 

"You're not even giving me a choice in the matter?" He cried, looking like he was about to shove Derek. 

"No, I'm tired of hurting. I've lost most of my family, I never had you and I'm losing you still, and I just want it all to end already because I can't do it anymore. I. Just. Can't." And the broken Derek in front of him was one that Stiles had never seen before. And holy shit was it heartbreaking to watch this man who always seemed so strong finally give in and fall apart. There were tears starting to pour down his face and he was broken, yes, but he wasn't going to cry to Stiles. He gave Cora a silent look, didn't even look at Stiles, and bolted away. Cora let him run away, knowing he'd be back for at least a goodbye, and Stiles just stared after him in shock.


	2. Chapter 2

Derek went to the graveyard and stared at the names of his family members. It was stupid, to come here, when he was already so upset about Stiles; but he didn't know what else to do. Whenever he needed comfort, he found it in his family. Laura was gone. Cora hated him a little, and she had reason to. Peter was a fucking lunatic. So all he had were the tombstones of his dead family to look at. 

"I miss you, Laura." He whispered into the night air as he stared at his sister's name on a headstone. The tears that he had shed talking to Stiles hadn't even dried on his face as he ran to the graveyard and now they were wet again with new ones. Everything happening, losing Laura, losing Erica, losing Boyd, losing Stiles, it was all too much for his body and the wolf inside him took over his features and howled into the moon in heart break. Once Derek had accepted that there would be no mating, the wolf crumbled and his grief poured out. It'd probably be a couple of years before the sadness broke him completely and this was just the beginning; how was he supposed to even look forward to anything? 

Derek fell on his knees from the overwhelming sense of loss and cried his eyes out for the first time in his life. He was so young when he lost everything and the six years between then and now didn't do anything. 

"Derek?" Derek sprang up as he heard his name and whirled around to face the intruder, bearing his fangs when he realized it was Stiles' Dad. When the hell did he sneak up on him? How long had he been standing there? 

"Oh... Sheriff. I was just uh ... sorry." He finished. "You scared me." He apologized for nearly growling at him, since John's eyes were still a little wide. 

"You scared me too, kid." The Sheriff gave him a weak smile and Derek's lips twitched in an attempt to smile back. It hurt to try. 

"Are you okay? I was putting flowers on Stiles' mom's grave and I heard a howl. It sounded like a wolf being hurt." Even as he spoke the words, he took a couple of steps forward and analyzed Derek, noting that the only thing injured on him was probably the boy's heart. 

"I uh ... I'm just dealing with a lot. Visiting my dead family probably wasn't a good idea." Derek sniffed, running a hand across his face to get rid of the tears that wet his face. 

The Sheriff looked sadly at him and reached a hand out to place on Derek's shoulder. Derek instantly relaxed as the scent of Stiles mixed with his own and sighed. 

"I won't lie to you and say it gets better, because you probably know better after six years. You just can't seem to win, kid. But there's always people that are going to be willing to help you. I knew your family, back when I was a deputy, and you had the best. After they all passed away and you and your sister left, I wondered what would happen. If you'd ever come back, if you'd go to school, if anything. And here I am finding out that you're losing the only remnants of what used to be your home. I know we weren't ever close, but my wife and your mom used to be, and I'd like you to know that I'm here for you. Stiles, too, probably. The kid's weird, so I can't guarantee you anything." 

Derek tensed at the mention of Stiles and had to avert his electric eyes so he wouldn't scare the sheriff. A move, that was undoubtedly, noticed. 

"Is there a problem between you and Stiles?" He asked, suddenly concerned. 

Derek couldn't help it, he laughed. He laughed until it hurt and he was clutching his sides. Was there a problem? Of course there was a problem! Derek was in love with the damn kid and his wolf was infatuated! If heartbreak was terrible he hoped the Sheriff never found out how Stiles was going to feel. He'd be devastated. 

"Are you alright?" The Sheriff really looked concerned now and Derek sobered up instantly. 

"The thing is, Sheriff, I'm in love with your son, and he hates me. And then there's the whole 'mate' situation that is never going to happen, that has made me basically suicidal. I am nothing more than a wounded animal. So yes and no to your questions. Yes, there is a huge problem with Stiles and I, and no, I am not alright. But I'll deal. Thanks for listening." Derek shrugged off the Sheriff's hand and turned away before the older man could even speak, leaving him flabbergasted in the graveyard that was full of his family members. 

*** 

Derek ran until he was drenched in sweat and the tears he shed dehydrated him, forcing him to stop and drink from a nearby creek. He sat on a boulder that overlooked the water and stared at nothing at all, listening to his thundering heartbeat in his chest.

He didn't know what to do. Leaving Beacon Hills would mean leave Stiles, leave his sister with his crazy uncle because there was no way in hell she would leave Hale territory to other wolves, and leave the only remnants of his life behind. But staying? Staying was basically out of the question. His mate lived in Beacon Hills and all the shitstorms that always seemed to happened, happened when he was around and he would die if Stiles got hurt because of him. Besides, the boy didn't love him and he never would so what was the point of having that constant reminder everyday? He wanted to be dead, if he was being completely honest with himself. He wanted to be out of everybody's life because it would just be better that way. No one would miss him, not even Cora. But then again ... he really didn't want to die. He fucked up so many times it hurt his brain just to think of it yet there was something that made him believe his life was not yet done. 

It was as he was pondering his suicide that Derek heard a twig snap about 600 feet away from him and he caught the scent of wolfs bane. He hid behind a tree as he waited for who ever was running - he could hear an accelerated heart beat and the thumps of running; lightly, so a woman perhaps? the only woman he knew who was allowed to carry wolfs bane was Allison, and yes, taking a whiff of the air, it was her - to come by. He didn't know why Allison liked running in the forest as opposed to the trail in the park or even the sidewalk, but at least he knew it was just her. And if she wanted to kill him, then so be it. He was, just in fact, contemplating the thoughts himself. With this in mind he took a step away from the tree and simply sat on the boulder again, listening to the sound of her approach. She reached him not too shortly after and stopped as she realized he was there. 

"Derek?" She asked, popping the ear buds that she had in out of her ears. 

He turned to face her and she smiled when she saw his face. "What are you doing out here? Aren't you cold?" 

"I went for a run and ended up here." He shrugged, looking back at the water. The sounds the creek made were calming. Splish, splash, a constant thrum of noise when the water rushed past the rocks. Allison wasn't going to kill him today. He didn't need to pay her anymore mind. 

"I heard about you and Stiles. It sounds tough. I didn't even know that werewolves could mate." She answered and Derek turned to face her again. 

"Stiles ... told you? About that?" He didn't know why this bothered him, but it did. Was Stiles telling everyone that Derek had a huge crush on him and that he had run away crying like a baby? Was he sitting with his friends and mocking him? Derek didn't know if he could take that much humiliation. Not at the expense of Stiles. 

"Well, he told Scott. And I just happened to be in the room. I'm sorry." Allison's cheeks turned pink as she admitted this and Derek relaxed a little. It was almost expected for Stiles to tell Scott and he didn't really mind that Allison knew. She was nothing like her aunt so she wouldn't sit there and taunt him incessantly. 

"No its ... it's fine. I never told Stiles to be quiet about it. I guess he can tell whoever he likes." Derek murmured. 

Allison approached him and sat down next to him on the big boulder. He didn't need the company, but he definitely preferred Allison to anyone else right now. She was quiet and observant, and he never asked her for advice but he figured she would probably be good at giving it. "So... what are you going to do?" She asked gently, the aroma of her skin relaxing his heightened senses. God, why couldn't he have been mated to someone like Allison? His life would be so much easier. 

"I'm going to leave. I just can't stay where most of the people I've loved, have died and been murdered by me. I killed Boyd. I basically killed Erica. They were so young and I ruined them all. I won't do that to Stiles, so my only option is leaving." Derek's eye brows squished together as he said this. Would it ever stop hurting; the thought of leaving everything and everyone behind? Or was it just the thought of leaving Stiles that had him curling into himself again and shaking with dry sobs? 

Allison put a hesitant hand on his shoulder and rubbed soothing circles into him. "I'm sorry all this is happening to you, Derek." She said and it was sincerity in her voice that had Derek looking up. Her bright brown eyes didn't hold any harshness like Kate's used to and he found himself leaning into her touch. It was refreshing, having someone who wasn't Stiles, comforting him. 

"I just don't want to leave. Stiles may not want me, he might not even like me, but the wolf is set on him. I have a ridiculous urge to protect him and take care of him, to heal him and make him feel better, and there's nothing I can do. I'm not willing to ruin somebody else just because it hurts. But fuck does it hurt." Derek hadn't heard his voice break since he hit puberty so many years ago but it was now. It didn't matter to Allison, apparently, because she just moved her hand so it was resting on Derek's shoulder and she was holding him. 

"You don't have to leave. This thing with Stiles sucks ... but there are ways around it. You can see him, right? And that makes both of you feel better? Why don't you visit him or something, but leave the bond out of this? An incomplete bond. And that way, Stiles can still see other people and be happy without you, and still have you there to protect him and take care of him. He's not a wolf, and there are things bound to be harmful to him out here - there still are for me, even though I'm a hunter - and Stiles could do with someone taking care of him. God knows how long he's been alone in this world with no one other than his father and Scott. 

"It doesn't really work like that. Stiles dating would tear me apart. And for any of my powers to transfer to him we would have to officially be bonded, and Stiles barely tolerates me on the best of days." He murmured. The idea was a beautiful one, though, and Derek found himself wishing that everything could be as easy as Allison described. A partial bond. Derek could see Stiles and take some of the pain away, and Derek would result fine just by interacting with the human. If only it were that easy. 

"I don't know what else could work. I read, in the bestiary, that werewolves mate for life. If Stiles was willing to stay faithful to you, I think most of your problems could be solved." She shrugged, giving Derek a final pat on the shoulder before getting up to go. She popped her earphones back into her ears and gave Derek a parting smile before taking off again. Derek listened to her footsteps fade into the distance and tried to make sense of a solution where Derek could see Stiles without actually being anything to him. Nothing came to mind in the time it took for the sky to go completely dark.

Derek finally got off the boulder he had sat on for so long and admitted defeat. There was no way in hell that he, Derek Hale, could be happy in whatever place he lived. Fate just didn't want it this way. With that in mind, he trudged his sorry ass to Deaton's clinic. 

*** 

"Do you really think it wise to drink away your sorrows, Derek?" And the way he said it was almost painful for Derek. Deaton talked like his mother used to and god did that burn. 

"I never claimed to be wise. After all I've gotten around doing this past year, I think I'm probably the stupidest Hale you've had the misfortune of advising." Derek murmured, looking at his hands instead of the older man. Deaton didn't say anything. Instead, he turned around and searched a cabinet for a moment before turning back to derek and handing him a baggie full of a purple powder. 

"This is a lotus wolfs bane that you're mother loved to use for the Christmas punch. A pinch will suffice for every drink you take, or you can just pour the whole thing into one bottle. And be careful; Peter has been badgering me for some for ages." Deaton gave him a small smile and patted his cheek once before shuffling away to do other things. Derek weighed the powder in his hand and decided he wanted to drink the night away alone and left the clinic wordlessly. 

*** 

Three hours later, Cora was struggling with keeping her eyes brown instead of red as she drove to the club her stupid brother was in. Fucking inconsiderate asshole that he was; getting drunk and making his little sister pick him up at two in the morning.

"Cora!" Derek exclaimed, grinning when he saw his little sister and raising a beer to her. Cora released a low growl at her brother but it seemed that Derek was way too drunk for the warning to really be administered. She stalked towards him as he finished off his beer and signaled the bartender for another one. 

 

"We're going home." She hissed when she got to her brother, slamming a fifty dollar bill on the counter and glaring at the bartender when he moved to open the beer. 

Derek frowned at his sister in comprehensively and Cora rolled her eyes only once before wrapping a tight arm around her brother and walking him to the Camaro. She opened the passenger door and almost flung him inside with how irritated she was. They made it home without Derek throwing up in the car and Cora had to admit that seeing her drunk brother walk upstairs and bump his forehead against the wall right in front of him was kind of funny. It was almost worth having to wake up so late. Stupid asshole, she thought as she went to her own room and laid in bed. She changed her mind, of course, when she heard Derek murmur a soft 'Stiles' only once, in a mournful, agonized tone that Cora had never heard before, before he was promptly asleep. Poor Derek, she thought then. It must be awful to be so connected with someone and then have that someone hate your guts. 

**Author's Note:**

> I'll most likely add tags along the way. I dunno.


End file.
